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Geauga County Board of Mental Health
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24-Hour Emergency Hotline
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The Cycle Of Violence The cycle of abuse has three distinct phases: the tensions building phase, the explosive phase and the honeymoon phase. Each phase is characterized by many different actions and feelings. The length of each phase and cycle varies with couples and the circumstances. The cycle of abuse may answer the question of "Why do victims stay?" Victims' hear this question repeatedly from all that know her situation. The cycle of abuse provides an explanation to this question. Victims of abuse are not constantly being abused, nor is the abuse always inflicted at random times The cycle of abuse is outlined by the following stages: Tension Building: This is a period that is marked by minor violent incidents, including pushing, shoving, verbal abuse, and arguments. The victim usually attempts to manage the abuser by a variety of ways. The victim may attempt to calm the abuser by becoming nurturing or compliant. They may attempt to anticipate every whim or to merely stay out of the abusers way. The victim may acknowledge to the abuse behavior, but believes that conciliatory behavior will prevent the anger and abuse from escalating. The victim denies their own anger at being unjustly hurt physically or psychologically and may blame the incident on outside forces. Victims reason that if they wait it out, the situation will change and along with it so will his abusive behavior. As tensions escalate, the victim's coping mechanisms diminish along with the ability to deal with the abuse and keep quiet. The abuser increases his alternating pattern of brutality and smothering and his attempts at psychological humiliation become more barbed and hostile. The Explosion: Tension that builds beyond the point of no return sets the stage for the acute battering incident. This is displayed through an uncontrollable release of tension through emotional and/or physical violence. The rage is so great at this point that the abuser appears to lose control over their behavior. The abuser may start wanting to teach a lesson, not intending to inflict bodily harm, and then stops when they feel the point has been made clear. Unfortunately, by this time, the victim has generally been severely physically and emotionally battered. During acute battering incidents, the abuser often justifies their behavior by reciting many petty annoyances that occurred during stage one. The actual attack is usually followed by shock, disbelief, and denial on part of both the abuser and victim. Both attempt to rationalize the extreme seriousness and often, if there is physical injury, the victim will minimize it. The victims tend to withdraw and isolate themselves following a violent incident. They usually have feelings of depression and helplessness. The Honeymoon: During this phase, the victimization becomes complete. Just as brutality marks the explosion, extremely loving, kind and remorseful behaviors characterize the honeymoon stage. The batterer behaves in a charming and loving manner and apologizes for the violence. They beg for forgiveness and promise that it will never happen again. Abusers typically reinforce apologies with candy, flowers, cards, and other gifts along with vows to give up any and all behavior that contributes to the tension-building phase (drinking, affairs, working long hours and/or any other stressful factors that both would like to believe are the "cause" of the explosion). The most disheartening part of the honeymoon phase is the false hope that it fosters. The victim gets a glimpse of what they thought, and still hope, they had in a partner. The kind behavior of the abuser reinforces the hope that the situation can truly be better, if only the stresses were removed. During this phase, the victim often senses that the batterer is desperate, lonely and alienated and feels responsible to be a bridge to their well-being. During this phase, many victims who have sought professional help often abandon their support groups, counseling, drop charges, and/or discontinue with divorce or separation proceedings. They are under the false pretense that the situation has reversed itself. Ultimately the tension builds again and the cyclic action is repeated. A victim who has endured several cycles soon realizes that they have traded their psychological and physical safety for a temporary dream state. The victim's self-esteem and self-image slowly withers as they cope with the awareness that they have sold themselves for brief periods of bliss. In a sense, the victim becomes accomplices to their own battering. Limitations of the Cycle of Violence: The cycle of violence was first presented by Lenore Walker in her landmark book, The Battered Woman, to describe some women's experience of physical abuse in their relationships. Since then, the cycle has been widely used by domestic violence advocates and proved useful to many victims of domestic violence to explain their experience of abuse.
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